芦笛
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加入时间: 2004/02/14
文章: 31797
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作者：芦笛 在 寒山小径 发贴, 来自 http://www.hjclub.org
帮加奴学双关英语
芦笛
老加搞我的个人崇拜无微不至，昨天准备好鞭子要打老马，见我心情好，赶快改打为拍。有奴先意承旨到这个地步，有史以来未之前闻也。更何况他这奴隶根本就不是市场上买来的，是网上捡来的，没花我一个大子，不要白不要。而且他还坚决不肯辞职，一定要把我的专制本质充分暴露出来才罢休，算是古罗马时代的bonded slave 。那种奴隶也是这样，虽然主人给了自由身份，但依恋不去，自愿呆下去作奴隶，安心本质工作，拉反革命车不松套，一直拉到资本主义。
有奴如此，倒让主子我不能不回拍两下。人家现在在这儿起劲学英语，主子岂有不捧场之理？所以也来学学英语。
却说我系有个技术员叫吹兮，是个不可救药的女权主义者，说话特冲，貌似洋“三自一包”，但其实是伪三自一包，也就是说，其实不是三自一包。人极聪明而且幽默，长得也很漂亮，但没有一般洋妞赛可喜。我非常喜欢她，虽然她不是我们实验室的，但我没事就去和她唇枪舌剑一番，其乐无穷。一开头人家还挺尊重我这糟老头子的，后来见我做大不尊，也就和我没大没小了。老芦在网上纵横决荡，至今还没真的输给了谁，可和她斗嘴十有九是输，可见此人反应之迅速，头脑之清晰。无论在国内国外，人的智力并不和职业成正相关，技术员的天资也可以高于教授，真不知道是什么道理。
前几天我从吹兮门前过，听到她响亮地咒骂了一声，大概是作错了什么事，我立即探进头去，说：
"Do NOT swear，darling."
"Why not? You are much, much worse than me."
"Yeah, but..."
"Don't tell me you are a man and I am a woman, and a lady is not supposed to swear like a man. Is that what you are trying to say?" Said she.
"Here we go again!" I sighed, "Do you have any other topic at all? Don't you feel bored of being a feminist all the time? I am only trying to annoy you, just as you are always nasty to me. That's all. I must say it's not easy to catch you with a smoking gun..."
但她根本不听，就是坚持指控我是个大男子主义者，不许女士骂粗话，只许男人骂。最后我只得走了，临走说：
"OK, go on and swear your head off! I don't give a damn. If swearing contributes to your pride of a lady, please do as vigorously as your breath allows you!"
昨天我有事又上她们实验室去，见吹兮正在电脑前打字。那架势，跟人家打铁也差不多。我便又趁机嘲笑她：
"Hey! Stop! You hit the keyboard so hard that you are going to break it!"
"Why, you always laughed at me, saying that I typed too slowly and could only use one finger. Now I am improving and you are trying to stop me!"
"Yes, you typed too damn slow, but now you are even worse, because you are both slow and noisy -- I can hear you even from the corridor. How can you interpret 'fast' as 'hard'? Who has taught you that concept? All you have achieved is hitting the keyboard with one finger, that precious, indispensable, universal, omnipotent finger of yours. Shame that you, such a graceful lady, use your lovely finger as a blacksmith uses his sledgehammer!"
她让我笑话得无话可说，灰蓝色的大眼睛转了转，正要开口回击，我立刻先发制人，以防她又把话题扯到女权主义上头去：
"Listen, sweetheart, this has nothing to do with your sex, OK? I am bored of hearing you talk about your sex all the time. Stop talking about your sex and think of something less boring, alright?"
"What?!" She looked at me in disbelief, "How could you be so rude, Ludi? How could you? For all my life, I have never, ever, talked about my sex! Not even once! I don't believe this! I don't believe a decent gentleman like you can make such a false accusation!"
我这才意识到自己犯了什么错误，闯了什么大祸，赶紧道歉兼解释：
"Oh, darling, I am so sorry. I meant your GENDER, NOT YOUR SEX. Please forgive me, please. Oh, what a stupid and ambiguous language English is!"
作者：芦笛 在 寒山小径 发贴, 来自 http://www.hjclub.org |
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帮加奴学双关英语
