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 向以芦笛元帅为首的大佬群体问好 |
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My goodness, a long-distance fart, very powerful indeed, penetrating everything, not only a wall. -- 芦笛 - (86 Byte) 2004-4-08 周四, 下午6:18 (104 reads) |
一本正经
加入时间: 2004/02/14
文章: 625
经验值: 79
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作者：一本正经 在 罕见奇谈 发贴, 来自 http://www.hjclub.org
Fartistic Anatomies
Farts are a daily function of the human body. They come in
various shapes and sizes, odors and intensities, sounds
and potencies. However, the study of fart types and their
affects is a limited one, many of which result in painful
burns to the colon. Mental Discharge has compiled, through
extensive scientific research and a lot of bean dip, a
visual guide to farts and their various anatomies. If
you've ever been curious as to the different types of
gaseous deployments that have crept up from your backside,
you've come to the right place.
Each fart type is illustrated in an easy-to-understand
format. Uncle Earl having a problem holding his ass?
Little Timmy cut a little too much cheese? Reference this
guide with friends and family to get the straight dope on
nether belching.
Let's begin with the most typical of farts.
The Trumpet, also known as Air Pigeon, Butthole Blowout,
Carpet Creeper, Fanny Beep, Flabbergaster, and Morning
Thunder, is the most common fart people experience. The
audible gas emission is much like a trumpet when properly
applied to a surface, such as a chair or couch. The
Trumpet produces a moderately unpleasant smell that floats
about within a fairly confined area. The person
responsible for releasing the Trumpet fart tends to be
immune to its effects. When released in close proximity to
others, it can be difficult to determine who has barking
spiders.
The Streamer, also known as Aftershocks, Bunghole Buzzer,
Crack Rattler, Deer Snort, Fart Combo, Trail Fart, and
Putt-Putts, is much like a Trumpet fart, but doesn't
detatch from the buttcheeks as quickly. The fart is
carried during movement much like a streamer in the wind,
trailing along like a snake, inescapable by anyone near
the person who dealt it. The Streamer also consists of a
collection of smaller farts after the primary one.
The Gift Giver is a dynamic fart because it operates from
an object which recieves the odor. Only powerful farts can
be crowned the title of the Gift Giver, as they must have
enough potency to deliver the fart from an object as if
the object itself just farted. The transmission of fart
odor must be excreted using powerful anal muscle strength
for a successful Gift Giver. Once a fart has been deployed
on an object, give it to a neighbor or nearby friend as a
surprise.
The Piss Putter, also known as the Belching Clown, Boomper
Letters, Brownster, Chunder, Fing, Squib, and Zephyr, is
an inverse fart. While the fart mass exists inside the
bowels, it is not quite ready to be released. By
overexerting muscles in the nether region to force it out,
you instead stimulate your urethra and cause yourself to
piss your pants. In certain cases, a small fart emission
may occur, but a massive leak is still the end result.
The Hot Wind, also known as Wet Fart, Beaver Leaver,
Bubblers, Desert Varnish, Hershey Smoke, Nuée Ardent,
Smelly Jelly, and Trouser Cough, is a fart which has power
unbeknownst to the farter themselves. While the massive
blast has the sound and odor consistent with complete
bowel release, the delivery is cut short by a bare amount
of "number two" emission. The farter will gasp in surprise
as well as cough as a result of the odor while checking
for expulsion. Luckily, a Hot Wind borderlines between
passing gas and passing stool.
The Torpedo, also known as Blow-By, Brown Speckled
Mallard, Chou Pi, Hershey Splert, Ringtailed Roarer, and
Surprise, is the unfortunate aftermath of a failed Hot
Wind. A Torpedo not only emits an extremely loud, putrid
fart, but expels the feces from which it came. While this
normally would be considered simply taking a shit, it
differs from the fact the farter was not intending on
launching the Torpedo, nor was near a toilet to deliver it
to.
The Dutch Oven, also known as the Sheet Fluffer, Pop Off,
under in the Buns, Ripship, Pop Tarts, and Fanny Bubble is
a fart given an extended lifetime by containing it within
a small atmosphere underneath the bedsheets. The area
beneath the sheets helps retain the fart longer, as well
as warms the surrounding area.
The Dark Matter, also known as Backblast, Booty Bomb,
Death Poot, Eggy Whiffo, Flaming Cornhole, Purple Clouds,
and Silent But Deadly, is the most destructive, putrid,
powerful fart known to man. There is no noise; you will
not be forewarned of an incoming bowel odor. You will feel
no wind and the farter will not inform you of your
upcoming demise. The Dark Matter is powerful enough to
take out a small group of people, which could result in
vomitting or unconsciousness.
By Steven Cleamer, October 22nd, 2003
作者：一本正经 在 罕见奇谈 发贴, 来自 http://www.hjclub.org |
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