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 转个俗气的供讨论：The Guys' Rules 男子汉的天条 |
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作者：Anonymous 在 驴鸣镇 发贴, 来自 http://www.hjclub.org
这个翻译不咋地(至少没有老杜的幽默），谁给重翻一下？  )
The Guys' Rules 男子汉的天条
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story (I must admit, it's pretty good.) 总算有条汉子花时间归纳出了以下“男子汉天条”，喊出了男人们的心声！
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. 我们总听见女同胞们在吵吵嚷嚷地给我们对“订规矩”，现在也该我们男人们说几句了吧？
These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
以下是我们男人给妻子们的定下的天条。注意：所有天条的编号都是“１”，那都是有道理的！
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
马桶圈问题：怎么说你也是个“大姑娘”了，也该学着对付这类问题了！马桶圈如果翻起来了，那就把它放下！我们需要它翻起来，你们需要它放下。你们总把马桶盖子放下，你什么时候听见我们发过一声牢骚吗？
1. Sunday sports.
It's like a full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
星期天的体育节目：正如月有阴晴圆缺，潮汐有涨有落，这事情就是这样的，没什么可以多说的。
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
逛商店不是体育运动！我们也永远不可能把它当作锻炼身体的手段。
1. Crying is blackmail.
眼泪，就是讹诈。
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- Just say it!
要什么，就直说！咱们挑明了吧：
－含蓄的暗示，没用！
－明显的暗示，没用！
－赤裸裸的暗示，也没用！
你就直说，行不行？
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
对几乎任何问题，“是”或“不是”、“行”或“不行”都是完全可以令人接受的答复。
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
有了问题，要想解决，你就来找我们。我们就是干这个的。
你要是只想抱怨、赢得同情，那就去找你的女友们/老娘们儿朋友去。
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
头痛要是连着１７个月都不好，那你就得去看医生。
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
任何我们６个月以前说过的话，一律作废，不得在争论中作为证据提出。
不仅如此，任何话说出口７天后，一律不得作为证据引用！
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
你要是不愿意象维多利亚内衣模特儿那样打扮，就别指望我们能发挥出电视剧中的“壮汉”那样的水平。
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
你要是觉得自己胖了，那可能就是胖了。
别来问我们。
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
如果我们说的哪一句话可以有两种解释，而其中的一种解释让你生气了，那我们的本意就是另外那种解释。
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
你可以让我们做一件事，也可以告诉我们这事情你需要什么样的结果。但是别从头到尾指手画脚。如果你已经知道做这件事的最佳办法，那么劳驾，您还是自己来吧。
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
有什么吩咐，请尽最大可能在电视广告播出的时候再说。
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
哥伦布发现新大陆的时候没问路。我们也用不着问。
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
所有的男人眼睛里只能看见１６种最基本的颜色，就像“视窗”系统最基本的设置。
“桃”、“橙”是水果，不是颜色。
天晓得“略带一些黄的淡紫色”是什么样儿的！
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
哪里痒痒，就得马上抓挠！这是基本原则。
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
如果我们问你“怎么了”，你回答“没什么”，那我们就只装做什么事儿也没有。我们知道你没说实话，但是刨根问底就没意思了。
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
有什么不好办的问题，你要是来问我们，那你就要有思想准备――――我们的答复很可能是你不爱听的。
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
你我要一起出门的时候，你不论穿什么衣服，都挺好看的！――天地良心，真的！
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, motorcycles, or racing.
你要是不想讨论诸如篮球、足球、摩托车、汽车大赛之类的话题，就别来问我们在想什么。
1. You have enough clothes.
你的衣服已经够多的了。
1. You have too many shoes.
你的鞋子已经太多了！
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
我的“形”挺好―――圆，也是一种形！
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
多谢你阅读上述天条！是啊，我知道，今天晚上恐怕是要睡沙发了！不过没问题：这比野营也差不到哪儿去！
作者：Anonymous 在 驴鸣镇 发贴, 来自 http://www.hjclub.org |
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